I am trying to concentrate on telling my story and giving advice in chronological order. But…my brain doesn’t always work like that! I want to share an experience I had whilst on a lovely week away in Wells Next the Sea last week.
I have started running and training again after way too long off, as I put other things in front of moving my body more because I love it, because it makes me feel better and because I know it will help me live better and healthier.
So, I ran, which is such an achievement as after my double mastectomy and reconstruction using my tummy, I haven’t even able to breathe deeply as my diaphragm had stuck to my ribcage, this is a problem when you are trying to run, you basically can’t!
I recently had scar release therapy with my the very magic Kat from Tiger Boe in Nottingham. This has worked wonders, it released lots of the scar tissue. Scar tissue is tricky, it connects pieces of your body to parts of your body that it should not be commented to! I think of it like a intricate and strong spiders web, attaching to whatever it can, as a result I lost so much movement. I just want to say that for anyone who has had any surgery at all, get to a scar release therapist, and I also recommend yin yoga to anyone post any op. I will be teaching you some yin that rehabbed my body when I get to that part!
Anyway….the work that Kat has done on my body meant that I can breathe deeply again. I was running across the seafront after just seeing some seals which was a very special experience and the song Titanium came on.
This song literally kept me going through all of the years after I was diagnosed with cancer, I used it a mantra. I kept repeating the chorus over and over. It is very special to me as it helped me keep my vibe high. When I sang along in my head or out loud, I felt invincible. It helped shape my mindset to keep strong and move forward. “You shoot me down but I won’t fall, I am titanium”.
When we feel strong, we are not in victim mode, when we feel strong, unstoppable we are sending powerful messages to our body and the cells right down to cellular level I believe. Mindset accounts for so much of your emotional and physical health. Watch ‘Heal” on Netflix. I believe I was instinctively using this song to help heal.
I imagined singing with great feeling to anyone who had ever said or done anything hurtful to me, including myself, we say the most horrible things to each other don’t we!
I sang to anyone who had put me down because of their own insecurities, to the people who wanted to keep me small, to stop me from shining, to the companies who pump out toxins into this world for profit, not caring who they hurt. Its so therapeutic, try it and please let me know how it feels!
“You shout it out
But I can’t hear a word you say
I’m talking loud not saying much
I’m criticized but all your bullets ricochet
You shoot me down, but I get up
I’m bulletproof nothing to lose
Fire away, fire away
Ricochet, you take your aim
Fire away, fire away
You shoot me down but I won’t fall, I am titanium
You shoot me down but I won’t fall
I am titanium, I am titanium, I am titanium, I am titanium”
As I sang whilst I was running, the tears fell, and they fell when I told my husband about it later. All the emotions just came, it was so hard back then, and they were tears of gratitude, I feel very blessed to be here, to be alive, to be able to move so freely and to be loved.
I know that the cancer I had was linked to how I had dealt with life. Life is unfair and I had a lot to deal with in my life, but I could have dealt with it differently. I chose to take the weight of the world on. To deal with everything myself, it was too much. As I didn’t get help as I didn’t talk about it, I kept everything inside. If people don’t know that you are not okay how can they help? And without help, support and community, anger, resentment and frustration build, leading to disease of the spirit, the soul, the energetic system and then the body.
So now I work on my mindset every day!
I tell myself how I want to feel. And the hardest thing I have had to do is to soften my hard outer shell, my defences, my warrior, I can do it all myself exterior. I have learnt to express myself, to let people in, to be vulnerable and to share so that other people can benefit.
I know now, that true strength comes with being able to be vulnerable, to feel and still carry on, to be visible whilst not being what you think perfection is.
I wish that you too get the support that you need. But first you must listen to yourself, what do you want? How are you feeling?
If you use essential oils, lavender on the throat centre in the morning will help you start to listen to yourself honestly, your desires and truths. We can’t express what we don’t know!
Sit with yourself too, a few minutes a day, tall spine and just breath. Let the busy-ness of the day fall away from you, let there be just you and your breath in your body that is so special and is carrying you for this earth walk.
I wish for you that you start being kind to your body, respect it and honour it for all the work it does for you, all the things it lets you see and all the steps it lets you take.
Sending so much love K xxx